With a Grateful Heart

“Everyday is a start of something beautiful.”

When it comes to this time of the year,when you realised that another year is going to pass by, and no matter what, you have to welcome the new year with open arms. The first word that came to my mind was, GRATEFUL.

I kept thinking of the things which I am really grateful of from this whole year. Honestly, there are too many to remember, or even to notice them. So right here, I would like to share a few of them.

First if all, i would say that i am grateful to have the opportunity to further my studies to the tertiary level. I am thankful for my parents who are always there for me, though i have to undergo some serious nagging most of the time. Well, i have been living with those nagging for almost 20 years now, I guess I can still bear with it.

Next thing which I am grateful of in my life will be having a wonderful brother. He is wonderful in such a way that, he will do all his best for the goodness of the family. I still remember back then when I was studying A-LEVELS in Penang, once a while he will come over from KL  for some work stuff, and whenever he come over, he will bring me out for a meal. My brother and I are very close, we share things, we fight, and we love. Sometimes, I thought, what would I be without my Brother. And for that, I thank God, for He provides, He provides to our need, yet it is sad to say, it takes us a little longer to realise that God really know what we really need.

Besides, the next thing that I am grateful of, is this man who came into my life. I’ve never thought I will ever meet someone like him. And, I honestly didn’t know he will be some important to me when I first met him. He is so fussy, so annoying, so lazy. But, he knows how to make me smile, even with tears on my eyes. Both of us has actually experienced heartache in relationships before we even know each other. However, we decided to take this step and give love a try on both of us. Because, “You can never make the same mistake twice, if you did it is not a mistake but a choice.” So, once again, i would like to thank God for bringing him into my life.

Last but not least, God answered prayers! I’ve been praying for my dad and his siblings, to bring them closer to each other. And, this Christmas, they are here in KL to celebrate Christmas with us. I can see from my dad’s eyes that he is very happy.

In short, i would consider that Life is indeed wonderful. Everyday is indeed a blessing. Here’s a song i would like to share. Please click on the link below.

At the foot of the cross.

With love, J.

Complicated or Not?

Some says life is complicated, while some says life is not complicated, whereas it is us human who makes this life complicated.

Well, i agree to the latter. It is us who makes our life complicated, not all the time, but maybe MOST of the time.

For me, i don’t care how complicated life is.

I don’t care how difficult life is.

I don’t care what my future is.

I will take life as it is.

I have make many mistakes, some are hard to be forgotten, some are like scars, they will always there no matter how hard you try to learn then forget, it is never easy to forget the pass. Because, it is the pass the makes your present a better one.

Sometimes, people asked why are you a Christian, why do you choose to believe in a God that you have never seen before?

Well, confront me, i will share it to you in detail.

No, i am not going to disclose it here.

I think, what’s most important is, live it to the fullest.

Dream, dream and dream again. Never stop dreaming, never stop taking your life to the higher ground.

Because, if you stop, you will be like in a coma. You might be having a steady breathing, and steady heartbeat, but you are not moving around, you are not fighting to catch your dreams.

Since i was a young girl, i dreamed. And i have many dreams that has not been fulfilled yet.

1) I want to be able to travel around the world, to see what are the things that words can’t describe, and to feel the feelings that your heart can’t contain, and to breathe the air that can make your soul rejoice.

2) I want to see a shooting star, and of course in time to make a wish.

3) I want to get a degree and maybe masters, and get a job that i like.

4) I want to be with someone that i love, and to get married in a church.

5) Last, but not least, the most important of all, i don’t want to stop serving my Abba Father.

 

“Every move we make, every step we take, every breath we breath, it is all about You Lord.”

Twenty Eleven

Here i am!

Still alive, still surviving through to this very end of the year.

Wow, a year has come to an end, very very fast.

2010 are filled with memories which will remain forever in the deep recesses of my mind.

Whether it’s sad or happy, disappointment or satisfaction.

It shall stop here. And a new journey, starts at 00:00 hour, 1st January 2011.

 

For me, 2010 is a year where I’ve learned huge stuff.

Things which I’ve never thought i will go through with such hard feelings, and regrets, yet I’m glad that I’ve learned a lesson from every single incident.

I’ve learned that family will always be the next most important person after God.

I’ve learned that, unless you yourself make a difference for yourself, and not treating yourself like trash, others will not treat you like one too.

And most of all, I’ve learned to let go, to let go of something even though it is something precious.

It was not a happy ending for this year, but yeah, i will reassemble every single pieces of myself, and move on.

Sometimes, you just have to, because there will always a good reason behind every incident.

So, don’t blame yourself or others for it.

Instead, move on, and be strong so that tomorrow will always be a better day.

Life is never easy to live, but never ever make yourself unhappy over worldly stuff, for they are like cancer to your life.

Lastly, i would like to ask for forgiveness to each and everyone of you, if i have ever offended any of you.

Let’s be merry and Happy New Year to each and everyone of you reading this.

 

So, let’s start a new year my friend!

2011, BRING IT ON!

With love, Joanne.

Regrets

“Love from a heart that is never selfish or always kind..

A person that will always have you in his mind..

But if you look hard enough,you will find..

Love can be blind..

How i wish this is ever so true..

When i found a person like you..

But everything in my world changed..

Heart is all smashed..

feelings crushed..

Too late to turn around..

It’s like a dream that never come true…

Reality set in and life goes on but one thing is I STILL LOVE YOU..”

That is how much that person used to love me.

“And I still love you too.”

No matter how i shout, you wouldn’t be able to listen.

Sometimes, we decided to do things, not because we want to, but we have to.

Same goes to me. And i’ve regret, but it’s too late.

I wish I could catch it back. But, when i thought about it, i questioned myself, do i deserve it after all?

I’ve tried so hard, to wash the feelings away, it has been five months now, but it’s still so strong, that i could feel them trembles under my skin. And i could hear my heart shattered, no matter how hard i try to put them back in place, it’s like a jigsaw puzzle, though it has been completed, we still can see every single piece of the puzzle.

How i wish i don’t love that hard, how i wish i am selfish, so that i will think about what i want, so that i will tighten my grip, so that our knot will not be loosened.

But, what more can i say?

What’s done is done.

It’s so painful.

So many things i wish we can share with each other.

But, i guess, those are dreams. Dreams which i wish could come true one day.

I will stay strong.

But, its just so hard to stay strong when nothing is right and everything is wrong.

 

Random Scribbles #1

The buzz of the alarm clock woke me up. I opened my eyes, and I can see the sunlight streaming through my window, announcing the beginning of a brand new day. It is Saturday, usually I will wake up early and go outing with my boyfriend. Well, not today. My tears falling, and my mind wondering, old memories appeared one by one. A sob burst up through my lungs, and I gasped for air.

It was Dec 25^th, Christmas, a day full of joy and happiness. We were walking along a long stretch of beach, he held my hand tight, we were talking about almost everything in the world. We were laughing and fooling around with each other. That was one of the happiest moment in my life I could ever forget. His arms around me, holding me to his body, his touch is taking all the doubts and fears away. That feeling erased my shyness away, I looked at him and smiled, he tightened his arm around me. Our faces were only inches apart, for one moment, I felt as if the whole world belongs to us, just both of us alone. He kissed me softly, I don’t know how to respond, shut my eyes tight is the only thing I could do. I can feel the heat and intensity, it’s like we are almost going to explode. That was the moment, he made me believed, he made me fell in love.

Few weeks after Christmas, in a cold and quiet night, it was late but I am still waiting for him to come back home. At that instance, two policemen came knocking at my door, I was informed that my boyfriend passed away in an accident. My heart stopped, I wanted to shout out loud, I could not help myself, I took a deep breath, and tears welled out of the corners of my eyes and rolled down my temples into my hair. I felt restless.

And now, I am all alone, I loved him more that he gave me credit for. And I doubt I will fall in love with another man again. Forever,  and ever was what he used to say. Forever, now, doesn’t seem so long. But, in the deep recesses of my heart, I know that he will always be there. And so, Saturday morning, will be a day that I will remind myself that I have to be strong to walk on every day, because I know that one day, I will see him in paradise.

Overjoyed!

Just checked my results yesterday. It was not as bad as i expected anyway. Thank God i’ve made it through all the stress and craziness. Here’s my result:

 

yay yay yay =)

My grade for Introduction to Business is not out yet btw. Can’t wait can’t wait.

I have never think about getting A for Human Communication. It was one of those most stressful subject other than Writing for Academic Purposes. Both subjects have the most assignments to do. Well, no one says no to an A when it comes to their grade right? When i saw what I’ve got for Human Communication, I was like, OMGsh, I love you Mr. Hellis. HAHAHA!

However, i was kind of disappointed because i got a B for Positive Psychology. It was one of my favorite subject ever. What’s done is done. So, hmm, looking forward for more challenges next semester.

 

*all the calculations-scary*

Many of my friends actually have to retake Quantitative Methods. I am kind of discouraged actually but, I am keen to give it a try. In another hand, Economics is quite of a mind-killer, that’s what my seniors said, but yeah, just give it a try.  Hopefully, i don’t fail.

Well, well, that’s about it!

Hello again, Uni! Please be nice!

 

*toodles!*

Ending=Beginning

I have been busy studying for exams lately. Finals are sickening, as usual.

Here’s my exam timetable:

7th Aug ( Sat )      Writing for Academic Purposes

10th Aug ( Tue )  Introduction to Business

16th Aug ( Mon ) Film and Arts Appreciations

19th Aug ( Thur )            Positive Psychology

20th Aug ( Fri )       Human Communication

*

*

*

OVER!

My Exam Token *byebye*

Well, well, now that the exam is over.

No more late nights.

No more facing the book, for at least a week or so.

No more stress-to-the-bone.

No more assignments for a little while. *happy*

Now, it’s time for a little pack up. I am moving out of this horrible-sickening-noisy-idunknowhowtodescribe hostel. So, i am moving in to an apartment nearby with my roomie.

PackPackPackPackPack

I am almost done with all my packing, as you can see.

I am excited, because i had been through this first semester, with lots of new friends, new experiences, good lecturer (not all but..hmm *smiley*) It had been an experience, whereby i have learned things which are useful in my life. My favorite subjects this semester is of course, non other than positive psychology and writing. I have learned a lot, i mean it, A LOT, from both of these subjects.

What i have actually learned most is that, in writing, no matter what kinda writing, there must be a certain technique. From there, i realized that, whatever it is about writing in secondary school, in pre-u, it is just those little little tiny things. Furthermore, the Mr. John Cheah(lecturer) had been quite helpful and kind, seriously i have gotten useful insights and writing styles from him. He might be kind of old-man-ish sometimes, and love to nag people, but well, he is really good.

Mr. Andrew is my Positive Psychology lecturer. What i really like, is his teaching style. Every class is like a group discussion. And, i guess, by discussing deeply about a certain topic, it does not make it easier for you to remember during exams, but you can actually use what that you have learned in your own daily life. After studying Positive Psychology, being introduced to all the theories, i can say that i am happy with my life.

As this semester comes to an end, and it’s time to say goodbye to all the lovely-ugly lecturers. It is also a time, for us, to be prepare for a new beginning of a new semester. Because, every ending is a beginning.

Well, i think that’s about it. Looking forward for a more interesting semester ahead!

“In my end is my beginning”

With Love, Joanne.

Love? What is?

Is love always just about loving someone whom you really like? Or is it about understanding someone, and you want to care for someone for the rest of his/her life?

I still don’t understand. Love? Is it true that in life, we can actually find the one which you really love? i mean like really into him/her.

I doubt that. The truth in life is that everyone is too busy over work, and work, and more work. What we want have become the priority rather than what we need.

So coming back to the question, can we actually find the ‘ONE’ you really love in life?

There are researches which states that people with this kinda mindset, usually end up being single. Why is it so?

Because, when you are busy finding for the one which you have been thinking about while you dream, and also while you daydream perhaps, you are actually living in a world full of fantasy.

Thinking about what kinda guy you want, the body, the hair, the look, maybe even the biceps and six packs.(girls!) haha*

You know, we are actually imagining our perfect guy girls, but no one is perfect. Besides, not all nice-looking guys are goody goody guys.(sorry )

This is one big issue when it comes to love, we tend to judge the look first. But, remember, love? It refers to the heart, not the physical look.

Love never fails.

When you choose a somebody to be with, do you actually love the person? Or it is merely just a someone who fill up the emptiness in your heart. So that at the end of the day after a long day of work, there is a someone to fulfill your loneliness?

I think that is not love. Love is surely something more than that.

“Love is comforting someone in need of Love and having them know that somebody cares.”

If you love someone, and you want to spend the rest of your life with him/her, you don’t just tell him/her “I Love You”. Instead, you show each other what does love mean to both of you.

You don’t just do he/she ask you to do.

You don’t go to anywhere he/she ask you to.

You don’t friggin’ glue to each other like a magnet.

You just be who you are, understand each other, and care for each other, most importantly you accept him/her completely. Because, love is looking past imperfections in your partner, but seeing the beautiful person inside.

I mean, if you would change from one person to another just because your partner ask you to, then you’re not yourself anymore, why are you putting on a mask to be loved?

Loving a person is suppose to be a “no matter what”, not a “because” or “only if”.

So what is love?

Some says it is mysterious, complex, difficult, imaginary, thought-provoking, intuitional,  joyous, immeasurable,  ecstasy, and undefinable. Perhaps. Hmm.

Love is a decision.

He, is my DAD!

I was a little girl;

came into this world;

with a blank spongy brain, and not knowing what life would take me to.

A spongy brain ready to absorb every single thing in this big big world.

Waiting, to learn anything that can fit into my mind.

I bet i have almost fill one-third of my brain with knowledge and experiences?

First, i would be honored to thank the first person in my life who taught me the first alphabet of life.

Who make everything in my life not a mess.

Who make me understand that, he knows better than i do.

This person, he has been there since the day i was born.

He has been like a stand that the koala bear would always cling on.

Sometimes, i wonder, what would this life turns out to be without this person.

I wonder, if i am who i am today?

He, is the one who teach me how to talk.

He, is the one who teach me how to walk.

He, is the one who teach me how to write.

He, is the one who teach me how to read.

He, is the one who teach me how to count.

He, is the one who teach me how to color.

He, is the one who teach me how to draw.

He, is the one who teach me how to ride bicycle.

He, is the one who teach me how to play badminton.

He, is the one who teach me how to listen to other people’s feelings.

He, is the one who teach me….what love is, by showing me, his love.

He, is my dad.

Cute right?

My daddy!

Little Ones

It has been a while since i interact with little kids.
I can remember that, the moment when you are playing with little kids are always the most cheerful and wonderful one.
One of my subjects for this semester is positive psychology, and we have been assigned to do community work as our group assignment.
So, my group decided to go to an orphanage.
We took almost 2 weeks to plan everything, get things done.
And so, last saturday, we went to the orphanage.
It was actually quite a small orphanage, it’s called the Rumah Sayangan, under Charis Church.
And there are only about 18 children in the orphanage, which from age 4 to 15.

We taught them Origami, the kids enjoyed it, and we too enjoyed it a lot
We are actually aiming to finish this assignment as soon as possible before mid-term.
But, it turns out to be something that we would hold dear for.
As a matter of fact, we actually looking forward to see those kids again, maybe after our mid-term, we are going to organize another trip to that orphanage.

Kids might me just as tiny as the sand by the beach.
But, they too have a dream to achieve.
We visited them, trying to teach them something.
Instead, i have learned from those little ones.
Most of them have their own ambition already at this young age of even 5 years old.
I can remember that when i was 5, i was still trying to seek refuge from my parents.
I have not thought of what i wanna be yet next time.
But for these kids, some of them does not even have the chance to meet their parents.
Some of them, does not even know who their parents are.
But, they have their goals in life.
They know what do they want to become.
They know which road to take, the road less traveled, or the road most traveled.

Kids are kids, but they are not so tiny as we think.
I am so glad that they are staying in this good environment.
May God continue to watch upon them always.